The Shouty Woman

June 20, 2006

Fed up

Filed under: Feminism — by Lucy @ 1:05 pm

Sorry for the long gap between posts – my boyfriend has gone off to a work conference and taken the laptop with him, so I’ve been computerless at home. I’ve also been a bit reluctant to post as I’m feeling rather disillusioned with the feminist blogosphere, and am trying to reassess where I belong in it.

There have been various posts lately attacking women for making certain choices about what to wear, whom to find attractive and what to do in bed (the most obvious example of the latter being Twisty’s blowjob saga, which I’m not going to comment on as a) it’s nobody’s business what I think and b) people read this blog who know me in real life). I just can’t accept this, and it’s really making me question whom I want to align myself with.

For me feminism is lat least partly about choice – sexual choice, reproductive choice and personal choice. I’m not one of these people who’ll try to argue that wearing make-up or whatever is somehow empowering, but I don’t believe it’s intrinsically anti-feminist either. It’s my choice to wear it, and that choice doesn’t hurt me or anyone else. Likewise, what a woman does in her bedroom (or wherever…) is nobody’s business but hers, unless she’s being raped, or coerced in any other way into doing something she doesn’t want to do (note: I dislike porn because I believe that, for the majority of women involved, they have not become  involved through their own free will).

I agree that some of us make choices that hurt other women, or make false choices because the patriarchy limits our options. However this does not mean we should turn on each other. There’s too much to fight for.

Anyway, the result of all this is that I don’t feel I can call myself a radical feminist. I’m fed up with feeling as though I’m being attacked by people who should be on my side, and I’m fed up with women attacking each other when we should be fighting our common enemies. I’m not going to give up blogging, as I still love having an outlet for my anger, but I may blog less about feminist issues until I’ve figured out exactly where I stand. There’s plenty of other stuff in the world that pisses me off though, so I’m sure I won’t run out of inspiration.

Until later… 



  1. I know how you feel, but just remember that your feminism is no less valid than anyone else’s and your voice is just as important. (hugs)

    Comment by laura — June 20, 2006 @ 11:12 pm |Reply

  2. Thanks Laura. 🙂 It was really Twisty’s post that upset me, as I’d previously really admired her. I know she was supposedly joking, but it didn’t make it any better.

    Comment by Lucy — June 21, 2006 @ 8:48 am |Reply

  3. I’m also worried about the whole radical feminist thing going on. I kind of think that the concept of feminism is much more important than the choices we make. For example, I love clothes and like to experiment with them and makeup, I also love smells and perfume. But I think it depends in what context you use it. I wouldn’t allow a man to dictate what I wear, I wear what I want, if you know what I mean?

    Please don’t feel as though your ideas of feminism is less than anyone elses. I’ve just started off in feminism (in April) and I’m still finding my own feet. Its up to us what we agree and disagree with, we are all on a journey here. I think the core of feminism is to do with empowering/liberating women, stopping the harm we/they may experience and educating men and women. I think everyone should agree to disagree when it matters – we all have differing views on certain things =)

    That doesn’t make our voices less valid or interesting. Like – not everyone agreed with Andrea Dworkin, not everyone agreed with Naomi Wolf, and not everyone agrees with Sheila Jeffreys. But their theories are still important and valid and they gave something new to feminism.

    Ahem, I went on there! But the gist of it is, don’t give up, your ideas and thoughts are just as valid as everyone elses 🙂

    Comment by Liz — June 21, 2006 @ 10:30 am |Reply

  4. Thanks Liz!

    Comment by Lucy — June 21, 2006 @ 1:30 pm |Reply

  5. I don’t think this Feminist Fundamentalism is necessarily a large part of the feminist movement. It doesn’t seem so, at least. They’re just a lot more vocal, especially on the Internet.

    My take on radical feminism can be found here, if anyone is interested. The link will take you to a more elaborate explanation that covers more general bases, but in short, I feel that it’s hard to really liberate women or bring about equality if all you’re doing is taking them out of one box and putting them in another. I think if one were to take the things said by radical feminists and place them in the mouths of men, the resemblance to Patriarchy would be uncanny. I also think that if you were to switch around the cue cards for radical feminists and religious fundamentalists, the overall effect would remain fairly static.

    “A woman who does ______ is not an acceptable woman.” Regardless of what fills that blank, be it “give blowjobs” or “not cook”, it’s still a stereotype about women that tries to oppress individual will and happiness. And it’s still a stereotype about women, which to me seems self-defeating.

    Comment by J Crowley — June 21, 2006 @ 9:21 pm |Reply

  6. ‘It’s still a stereotype about women that tries to oppress individual will and happiness’.

    That sums up exactly why I’m so angry. I’m sick of Twisty and other sneering about how I choose to live my life. I don’t care if it’s all a big joke, it’s still hurtful and it’s still not my idea of feminism.

    Comment by Lucy — June 22, 2006 @ 9:04 am |Reply

  7. Hey, SW,

    I feel you on this. I’ve said my piece about her and her tiresome games enough other places already. but I hope this doesn’t sour you on feminism. TF is a radical feminist, as are the people who talk like her (about sexuality and so forth). They’re a bit overrepresented in the femblogosphere at the moment, but they’re by no means representative of feminists/ism as a whole.

    anyway the 17th Carnival of Feminists is up, and it’s really extensive this time: lots of good stuff, I think.

    Take care.

    Comment by belledame222 — June 23, 2006 @ 3:51 am |Reply

  8. btw: I’ve yet to encounter a single feminist who’s argued that wearing makeup/giving head/whatever is (categorically) “empowering” or “feminist” in and of itself. I’m not saying none ever has, but it’s not what I’ve been seeing. Mostly what I see are women who say “I find such and such empowering” or even “I like such and such,” and a bunch of radfems coming back with “*don’t try to tell me* such and such is empowering…”

    …when actually, I’m concluding, it’s usually if not always they who are saying categorically (as TF just did) that such and such is automatically *dis*empowering, or “not feminist,” or “bad for women” (as in, *all* women).

    Comment by belledame222 — June 23, 2006 @ 3:58 am |Reply

  9. A male’s view…

    Regarding Twisty and all the “other sneering about how I choose to live my life”…

    It is a bit humerous, that Oral Sex was considered liberation in the 70’s… We’ve come a long way baby!

    As a 17 year old boy, I had no concept of male power, shaming women or dominance exhibited by a blow job! That’s just silly! …IT FELT GOOD!!!

    As for me, I really don’t care for another blow job. If women don’t like to give them, then I sure don’t want one! There is no pleasure in it for me if it’s a chore for her!

    So, at 48, I figgured it out! Blow jobs no more pleasurable than masterbation, if you know what you are doing… And without all the emotional bull shit and rants on these Blogs!

    As for going down on women… I loved it in my youth. It gives a young man the opportunity to play with a pussy up close! And the girls pretended like they REALLY liked it!

    Now… I could care less! If blow jobs are a chore… what do you think sticking your face in a woman’s pussy is?

    If women don’t want to share in giving pleasures with men… John Hancock is fine with me!

    So… Now I join with the Feminist… let’s just take the fun and joy out of our differences and desires!

    Anyway, it’s a lot more fun to wither away in our bitterness!


    Comment by HowardIno — July 10, 2006 @ 1:25 am |Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: